Haven’t written for a while and I don’t want to go into the excuses of why, which are warranted, because we all have them so we all know. My brain has been churning with lots of thoughts, but since I haven’t put them down to pen and paper (or keyboard to screen) I find I’m a bit scattered with both speech and thoughts. So time to put things in order again!
I’ve turned 40 since my last post. (something I am very proud of) not only the fact that I am actually 40, but that I’m 40 and incredibly happy about it! Our world revolves around looks, appearances, clothing size, impressing others all of which can create a HUGE amount of stress!
Hand up! Guilty as charged!
Each and every one of the above things had at one time or another completely ruled my mind. Its exhausting to say the least! What I am finding is the older I get the less I allow any of these things to bother me.
The acceptance of who I am completely over shadows how I am perceived by others.
It is THAT reason I am happy for entering another decade.
I have another teacher training session coming up and find that repetition of living in the moment creates such clarity in thought and behavior that its second nature. Stopping and noticing what a wonderful world we live in. How thankful I am for the life I have created, and as well thankful for all the stressful times in my life that taught me the difference between being relaxed and being not so.
Does this mean I’m happy all the time? No. Do I feel like I have figured life out? No. If I were speak how I feel the closest I could come is driving out of the fog, everything is new and needs to be touched, felt, and experienced with open eyes.
I saw something this weekend that brings all the effort to light. I was at a live theater production and saw a woman collapse, her heart stopped, and with within moments was resuscitated and was doing well as the paramedics took her to the hospital. Without hesitation people gathered and helped this woman, and I am proud to say I know who the man performed CPR on her. I wanted nothing more than to help him, to get in the middle and try and save her life along with him.
It took every effort I had to stay put because I would have been in the way of the people who were already working on her.
This is not my instinct.
I am one that usually jumps in without thinking, helping when asked and at times enabling others because I have a difficult time saying no.
So in a round about kind of way the clarity that came into focus was seeing when you are able to help and to know when you are not. To know when you are needed and when to wait to be asked. Knowing that to support the friends that surrounded me was where I was needed, and that my efforts would have probably hampered the help she was already being given.
I don’t want to be the type of person that only sees clarity through someone else’s tragedy. You can’t help but to breath a sigh of relief when the woman that was helped gives us all a wave as she is taken to the ambulance but I do not want to let by gone’s be by gone’s only because the imminence of death brings to light that yes in fact we all are going to die someday.
THIS is what clarity is to me. To see clearly on every occasion, not just when adrenalin dictates it. To speak my mind in a positive way, and to take a moment when its not. To learn from my mistakes, and to know the difference between helping and hindering. This is what yoga has taught and continues to teach me.
We are all only here temporarily. How do you want to spend the time while you are here?